How to deal difficult people

Have you ever wondered why some people are difficult to work with?
Individuals behave in a difficult manner because they have learned that doing so keeps others off balance and incapable of effective action. Worst of all, they appear immune to all the usual methods of communication and persuasion designed to convince or help them change their ways
How to Cope
Avoid these “don'ts” when dealing with difficult people:
Don't take difficult people's behavior personally. Their troublesome behavior is habitual and affects most people with whom they come in contact.
Don't fight back or try to beat them at their own games. They have been practicing their skills for a lifetime, and you're an amateur.
Don't try to appease them. Difficult people have an insatiable appetite for more.
Don't try to change them. You can only change your responses to their behavior.
Here's how you can cope effectively with following common types of difficult people.
The Complainer
There's always one person in a office who can never find anything about which to be happy. If he's not complaining about his health or family, he's complaining about his job, the company, or even his superior. Of course, some of her complaints may be legitimate, but the incessant whining is getting on your nerves. Generally, the complainer isn't looking for advice so offering it probably won't do any good. Change the subject whenever the bellyaching begins. Your colleague should get the hint after you do this repeatedly.
The Delegator
In almost every workplace you'll find someone who wants to share his work with his colleagues. I am not talking about those who have a legitimate reason to delegate work to others .I am speaking of those who either can't do all the work they have been given or don't want to do it.. Tell your coworker you have your own work with which to deal.
The Credit Grabber
The credit grabber does not acknowledge any help he receives from others. he accepts all the praise for a successfully completed assignments without mentioning that he didn't do it alone. The first time this happens, consider it a mistake. Mention it to your colleague and ask him to let others know about your participation. If he doesn't, or if this happens again, make sure you let others know about the role you played in getting that project done. Then, unless you are mandated to work with this person, refuse to help out again.

How to say no

We say yes to people because it's easy. Learning to say no is like learning anything: it seems really scary at first, but it's so rewarding when you get the hang of it!
The trick to saying no is doing it firmly without sounding rude. You must avoid being wishy-washy. Here are some lines you can practice:
· If someone asks you to take on more responsibility than you need: Sorry, This is not not the kind of work i am supposed to do . You please take care of this.

· If he asks you to do something you don't feel comfortable with: This sounds like it would be a great opportunity for somebody, but it's not right for me.
· If somebody tries to push work off on you: Thank you for thinking of me, but I will have to say no. I'm just over-scheduled at this time.

· If somebody tries to overload you with a task: I can't do that because i am already overburdened

· If somebody tries to unload a problem on you: I understand your situation, but sorry I can't help.

Here are some tips:-
1. Listen to the request respectfully. Do not interrupt the speaker.
2. Phrase your "no" as simply as possible. Don't raise your voice or become upset, simply say that you cannot help this time. When you say no, say it in a confident, well modulated voice to sound more straightforward.
3. Don't feel obligated to explain. You have your reasons and they may not be ones you wish to discuss. If this is the case, try saying something like, "I'm just not able to." Leave it at that - if you must, change the subject, or say, "I'm sorry, but I need to go."
4. Explain simply, and only if you wish to do so. If the case really is one that you feel okay explaining, make your explanation as simple as possible.
5. Stand firm. If the requestor does not want to accept your answer, tell him that your mind is made up and that you will not change it.

• When You Have to Say Yes
  There will be times when you want to say no but you can’t. A conditional "yes" may be necessary if you know you should do something but you also know you don't have all the time or resources. An example of a conditional yes is: "Yes, I'll do this but rest will have to done by you.

Saying no is all about gaining respect. Gain respect for yourself by saying no when it's necessary. Gain the respect of others by saying no in a polite way.

Importance of taking break from work

It has been worldwide recognised that periodically taking breaks from your work is absolutely necessery for personality development.One feel well-rested, energetic and bursting with new ideas. I strongly believe that taking time off from your job is not only desirable, it's imperative. If all you do is work, what can you possibly bring to your job but more of the same? ... the same perspective on things, the same ideas, the same way of doing things. Spending time away from work allows you to explore other interests which will make you well-rounded. Breaks from work will let you see things with a fresh eye enhancing your creativity and problem-solving skills.

If you begin working early in the morning and don't quit until bedtime, there will be no room in your life to focus on anything but your job. So make sure you take some time for non-work activities at regular intervals in addition to regular vacations. Here's how one can spend some of his time away from work:
· Read a good book (non-work related, of course)
· Keep up with world news, sports etc.
· Travel for pleasure
· Volunteer your time
· Talk to people with whom you feel free and who are really close to your heart
· Enjoy a hobby

All these ideas are great but what to do if a break is forced upon you? I think the same priniple applies here too and that is the best way to cope up with the problems you are facing.

Pain of loving

" Pain of loving you....." these are the famous words used by Shri Nirmal verma in one of his novel, perhaps in "Antim aranya". That in real love one is certain to face some pain, particularly if this love is not centric to physical intimacy. i have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to heart. Joy from being with person one loves , being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. Pain from knowing that he is so in love, that he is more vulnerable than he has been ever
Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. ........... no response from ur loved one and not being able to communicate with her is really paiful.(09.06.09)

Loneliness

It is said that loneliness makes the loudest noise. It is, together with the feeling of being unloved , is the ultimate poverty. it is true that we are born alone , we live alone, we die alone. Only thru our love and friendship we can create illusion for the moment that we are not alone.

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and it has created the word "Soltitude" to express the glory of being alone.

so the question is that of "positive Thinking" !!!!!!!

Missing someone close to your heart

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It is said that Love is, missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. Can miles truly separate you from your friend.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there? No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.

It is true that missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will! It is also true that we only part to meet again.

So one should never be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again. And meeting again after moments of seperation is certain for those who are friends by heart.....

Ideal Relationship

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.

So we should Treasure our relationships, not our possessions.